타미쌤!

육창현 [토익] 1 454 2016-03-13 11:45

어제 가족 소개서 다써서 올리면 수정해주신다고해서 이렇게 올려봅니다. 현재 글자수(단어수)가 211개 정도되는데 150~170개 까지 줄여야되는데 이 점 참고좀 해주세요ㅠㅠ

Let me introduce my family. There are four members in my family; my father, mother, sister and me. We have lived in Seoul since my father had been married my mother. To cut the introduction of family members short, my father is 52 years old. He is running his own business which sells various food ingredients with my mother. He is a very strict, but sometimes treats me as friends. He is interested in fishing, so he often enjoys fishing on weekends. Next, my mother is 50 years old. She has same job with him. I consider her as my best friend. The reason for this is because she gives me energy and courage when I depress and grow weary, and we often talk on the phone asking current events and news in the currency. Her hobby is going hiking, so she also goes hiking on weekends like him. Finally my old sister age is 26. She is single and is working at Lotte market, where she is in charge of promotion division. She likes shopping through the Internet and eating food at famous restaurant. She is very friendly and warm-hearted. She has always treated me as son until now, so I am always grateful to her and proud of her. This is introduction of my family.

0
[TOMMY]
16-03-16 17:16  
조정하는 문장만 적어드릴게요.
1. father, mother, (elder or younger) sister and me
2. since parents got married
3. To cut ... short 까지 삭제
4. My father, aged 52, runs his own business with the help from mother,selling various food ingredients. He seems rather strict but often feels like a friend to me. He enjoys fishing.
5. Mom, aged 50, is the best friend to me. She gives me both energy and courage when I feel depressed and weary. We have much chat on the phone about many things including current news and events.
6. Mom goes hiking on weekends.
7. Fianlly, I have an elder sister, who works at the Lotte Market as a promotion manager. She says she has no boy friend. What she likes to do are shopping through the Internet and dining at fancy restaurants. She is very friendly and warm-hearted, sometimes treating me like a baby, which I am thankful for. Thank you for reading.
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